Survival of the Fittest
by LaHimeAngel
Summary: Tony is determined to pay back McGee for pranking him, and nothing will stop him from doing so. Of course, that will start a war where the fittest are the ones who survive....was a oneshot, now a two or threeshot
1. Let The War Begin

**I don't own NCIS. CBS does. If I did, I would be very happy and very rich. I am neither happy nor rich. Actually, I am, I'm a princess.**

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Silence. Complete and absolute silence. This was not good, this was very suspicious.

Tony looked up from his hiding spot behind the brightly coloured stairs of the squadroom and surveyed the war zone. It was deserted, which meant something was up.

A tap on the shoulder almost scared Tony to death as he dropped his weapon of choice and assumed a praying mantis pose towards his assailant.

It only took him a few seconds to realise the same assailant was his gorgeous ninja/Mossad partner/partner in crime, Ziva.

"What are you doing here?" Tony snapped, making sure his voice did not go above a whisper. Ziva picked up the bottle of superglue that Tony had dropped and examined it.

"I could say the same to you, DiNozzo." She replied, handing the white bottle back to the now at-ease special agent. Tony crouched back down to his hiding spot, pulling Ziva down with him by the wrist. Ziva pulled her arm out of his grip as she got more comfortable in the hiding spot by kneeling down next to the silent warrior.

"What are you doing?" She asked again, suspicion coating her voice. Tony looked at her with evil in his eyes.

"Paying back McGee." He replied, smiling at her his 1000watt DiNozzo grin at her. Ziva followed his gaze in amazement.

"It's 10:45, Tony. He's not here. Nobody's here!" She said, her voice soft as well. A loud metallic crash from upstairs caused Tony to dive for cover, which of course was on top of Ziva. They stayed like that for a few seconds before he spoke again.

"No, he's here. He's here alright. He pranked me and he knows that I'm gonna prank him back. Revenge. And his apartment is more dangerous than NCIS is. He's here alright." Tony got off Ziva and assumed his original position, his heart rate normal again. Ziva got back up too, confused.

"What did McGee do to you then, Tony?" She questioned, going into ninja/sniper mode, eyeing off McGee's desk. She swore she saw an evil glint in Tony's eye as she did.

"Beat me at my own game." He chuckled to himself as he heard the elevator ding across the other side of the squadroom and McGee stepped out.

"And the game goes into round two." He whispered back to Ziva as he quietly got up and ran around the staircase, trying to get a better view of his victim's desk. Ziva stayed where she sat, wondering why McGee was risking his life coming back to the squadroom.

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McGee wanted to go home. But knowing Tony, he had booby trapped his car or door. NCIS HQ was safer, there were rules that even Tony could not break about co-worker wars. But that was on the same piece of paper that the sexual harassment/traffic light rules and headslapping rules were on. There was no way that Tony would stick to that.

Nethertheless, he was too tired to not go home, and risking the skin on his fingers was worth some beauty sleep. McGee picked up his briefcase and placed his SIG in its holster as he turned off his desktop computer for the night. Whatever paperwork on the case would hae to wait until the morning. Even Gibbs had gone home without paperwork done.

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Tony laughed somewhat evilly as he ran back over to where Ziva was kneeling, clapping his hands as if he had won an award.

"You did not do anything to him Tony." Ziva stated, half bewildered, half confused. Tony just kept smiling.

"Oh I did something all right. Just wait until he tries to open his car door!" Ziva rolled her eyes as she walked over to pick up her SIG and bag and pack up for the night, jumping slightly when she heard a yell from the carpark.

"DINOZZO!"

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**You like? Please review.**

**May make this a two or three shot if people like.**

**So, review?  
**


	2. Revenge, Sweet Sweet Revenge

**I don't own anything, cause if I owned NCIS, I'd be extremely rich. I am rich, but I don't own NCIS (if that makes sense)...**

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3 hours. 3 freaking hours.

That's how long it took McGee to pull of the superglue from his hand. Oh, DiNozzo was gonna pay.

McGee had given up his precious beauty sleep that past night to create a prank in which there was no way DiNozzo could avoid. This was payback….or DiNozzo's revenge….it didn't matter. This was gonna McGee to the top of the field, the best!

McGee glanced over to the digital clock on the microwave in his kitchen. He had one hour to get to NCIS and set it up. And he was gonna use every second of it. Ignoring the dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep, he grabbed his jacket, SIG, and now separated from his fingers, briefcase and headed out the door of his apartment, off to NCIS.

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**0630, NCIS HQ.**

McGee practically ran into the squadroom, almost tripping over Ziva as he did, as he dropped his belongings and ran over to Tony's desk, setting upon it dozens of DVDs.

It was well known that Tony kept a large amount of DVDs in his desk, to watch during the time he was supposed to do paperwork, and in the odd occasion that the NCIS team would watch a Christmas movie in MTAC. McGee, no Master McGee was gonna use those against him. Ziva came over to join him.

"What on Earth are you doing?" She asked, it was really the only thing to say in that moment. McGee ignored her question.

"Is DiVictim here yet?" Ziva eyed him suspiciously and shook her head. McGee smiled evilly at her answer and opened DiNozzo's second drawer, the one with the DVDs. Ziva watched skeptically at him as he carefully opened the cover of the one closest to the front, Tony's personal favourite, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and took out the disc, replacing it with another, which looked exactly the same.

McGee looked up at Ziva's confused/skeptical/puzzled face.

"Last night, I burned some movies onto another disc which is identical to the ones here. The menus are the same, but when you press 'Play feature', one of the 100 worst movies of the year comes on instead." McGee could barely contain his laughter. Ziva's realisation caused her to laugh along with him, an evil chuckle worthy of a fantasy film. Both McGee and Ziva suddenly felt a presence behind them.

"Hi Gibbs." They said in unison, turning around and standing to attention.

They were surprised when they saw Abby standing there smiling from ear to ear.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked, trying to see what was behind their backs. Ziva and McGee looked at each other and then back at the goth.

"Nothing!" They insisted, walking towards Abby to push her away from Tony's desk. Abby got the hint and backed off, sitting happily behind McGee's desk, as if to say she wasn't leaving until she found out. Ziva and McGee looked at each other and back at Abby once again before they broke.

"We're pranking back Tony." McGee stated, hoping it would get Abby off his back. A few seconds after, Abby leapt out of the seat and hugged him.

"Why didn't you tell me?! I would've helped!" McGee stood still and stunned for a while to comprehend that Abby was going to help him prank someone who was like an older brother to her. Within 5 minutes after the Abby interlude, every DVD in Tony's desk had been changed over. Ziva's personal favourite was the Dr. No DVD with Bring It On Again inside.

**0800, NCIS HQ**

Gibbs strode into the bullpen, coffee in one hand (as usual) and a load of paperwork in the other. McGee and Ziva noticed this and smiled evily at one another. Game. On.

Tony, who was running in late, scrambled to his desk 15 minutes later, hoping the boss wouldn't headslap him for being late. It didn't work.

"DiNozzo, what the hell are you doing in here late?" Gibbs demanded, headslapping him as he passed. He pointed to a mountain of paperwork on Tony's desk. "DO IT!" He added, knowing that DiNozzo would pick up on the slim hope that it would work telling him that he never asked him to do the paperwork.

Tony smiled to himself as he opened his 2nd desk drawer and pulled out Dr. No and placed it in his computer drive. Ziva was the first to notice this and practically leapt out of her seat.

"McGee, I could really use a coffee." This caught McGee's attention.

"You-you don't drink coffee, Ziva…." He started, before glancing at Tony, who was trying to find his headphones for the computer. McGee took advantage of the heads-up and bolted out of the room, presumably down to Abby's lab.

**0820, Abby's Lab (the Labbie)**

"Hey Abby!" McGee greeted the forensic scientist as he jogged through the door to her lab, closing and locking the door behind him. Abby heard the click and instantly turned around.

"McGee! How dare you close the magical door to my lab?!" Abby yelled at him as she opened the door once again. McGee ran over to the door and closed it once more.

"Tony is about to discover my prank. AND YOU HELPED ME! CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE?" Abby walked around him and opened the door again.

"Yes I helped you, but that has nothing to do with closing my Labbie's door! YOU CAN NEVER TOUCH THIS DOOR WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AGAIN, OR I WILL KILL YOU LEAVING NO FORENSIC EVIDENCE." McGee backed up against the wall behind the door as Abby walked towards him, her eyes flying between the gun that she was studying before McGee barged in and McGee's head.

McGee didn't have a chance to speak again before he heard a noise coming down the stairs from the above floor.

"MCDEADMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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**You liked the second installment?**

**I may do a third one and turn this into a short story if there's enough response, so review? Please?**

**-Angel  
**


	3. See What Happens?

**I do not own NCIS. If I did, Tiva would've hooked up ages ago.**

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Tony was not happy. Not happy at all. McGee had destroyed his precious DVDs, and that was an offence worthy of capital punishment.

Tony sat still in his office chair, angrily gripping the arm rests of it and glaring at the space just past Ziva's head. She smirked slightly at him and giggled at the look on his face.

"Oh, Tony don't be too upset. I'm sure McGee still has the originals somewhere." Tony didn't say a word as he stalked off to the stairs leading to Abby's lab. Ziva curiously followed him, half worried for McGee and the other half wanting to capture the moment and put it on VideoTube. No, that wasn't it…..YouTube.

As soon as the two reached the stairs, Tony broke into a run. He had seen McGee cowering behind the door to the Labbie. Oh, he was dead.

"MCDEADMAN!!!" He screamed, bursting through the door, skidding, turning around and running towards the frightened McGee, his arms outstretched ready to choke him. Abby intervened before any harm occurred by pointing the gun she was studying at Tony's _Psycho_-esque face. He stopped and hit the floor. Abby smiled and lowered the gun, pulling McGee out from behind the door and pushing him out of the Labbie.

"You two see what happens when you bring war into the Labbie?" She yelled, placing her hands on her hips and towering over the two like a mother with two toddlers. Both the surprised/scared McGee and Tony nodded meekly.

"Now get out!" Tony ran straight for the door, pushing past McGee, who in turn, pushed back. Tony slapped McGee over the head and ran for it again, down the corridor.

Abby and Ziva smiled gleefully as they leaned up against Abby's desk shaking their heads at the two.

"Do you think we shouldn't get involved anymore?" Abby asked, circling the gun around her rubber-gloved finger. The both looked at each other and immediately knew the answer.

"No!" They said in unison, going into a laughing fit as they heard Gibbs yelling from down the corridor at Tony and McGee.

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**0945, Squadroom**

The squadroom was silent, except for the pen being absent-mindedly tapped on the desk by another agent on the other side of the wall to Ziva. Gibbs has left for coffee, despite his better judgment of leaving the three "adults" by themselves. Tony, Ziva and McGee were going through mounds and mounds of paperwork, which had been doubled since the incident in the corridor.

Tony pulled out a straw from his backpack and placed a small piece of paper inside, spitting it over to McGee's desk. It hit McGee in the face. Annoyed, McGee scrunched up a piece of scrap paper and tossed it at Tony's face. Tony shot another spit wad at McGee, which was met by another paper ball hitting Tony's face. Ziva watched, amazed that the two could be so childish.

"Whatcha looking at, Zee-vah?" Tony questioned, spitting another spit wad at her. It landed in her hair. Oh, DiNozzo was going to pay. Ziva picked up a rubber band and sprang it back at DiNozzo. It knocked the spit wad aimed at her onto McGee. McGee retaliated by hurling a paper ball at Ziva.

**0955, Squadroom**

The ride to the squadroom floor was silent, then Leon Vance got in.

"Gibbs." Vance greeted, pressing the button to the squadroom floor and standing back, next to Gibbs. He looked at the coffee in Gibb's hand and smirked.

"Another coffee break?" He questioned, putting a toothpick in his mouth. Gibbs laughed.

"It's good coffee." He replied as the elevator doors opened to the squadroom. Both Gibbs and Vance stopped as they saw a paper ball fly across the room and then onto the floor along with the rest of the failed "missiles". Vance stood, mouth almost hitting the floor at his agents. Gibbs gripped the coffee harder and strode off to the mess, muttering about being a high school principal as he did.

**0958, Squadroom**

Back of their heads hurting, Tony, Ziva and McGee were unhappily cleaning up the mess from the war.

"You know this is all your fault, McGee." Tony stated as he picked up all the spit wads lying across the floor and desks. McGee looked at Tony, mouth open in surprise.

"MY fault?" He asked, hurling a paper ball at Tony. "How is this MY fault?" Tony threw another ball back at him.

"You started this war."

"No I didn't. I pranked you. YOU started the war by retaliating."

"It's still your fault."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"HEY!" a voice yelled, startling both of them. "Get back to work!"

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**OK, well alot of people wanted me to add another chapter so I did!**

**Also, I'm really happy season 7 has started. IT WAS EPIC.**

**Review?**

**-Angel  
**


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